In October, 2004 we realize Mama has her cancer cells spread and healing remained bleak. As advised by the doctor, not much we siblings can do at this moment but agreed in a concert effort to comfort her and try our best to minimize her torment. Mama means so much to me. She is a great woman and a great mother. She is kind to all people and she deserves to be everyone¡¦s Mama. When she grins, I see rainbow in the sky.
The next year Mami came to Shanghai with my brother particularly to look me up. She was excited when seeing me and I remember she hugged me, kissed and kissed me all over with tears. I seldom see my brother Dominic as he was playing around with other kids most of the time. They returned to Qingdao after a short while and stayed there until 1948, they left Qingdao for Taiwan.
It was boring in bed so I kept asking Mama to tell me stories until she had no more to tell and she had to fabricate something, but I was smart enough to find out those weren¡¦t true stories and I refused to listen. Mama was exhausted so she bought comic books for me and among those like Captain Moore, Flash Gordon and San Mao were my favorites.
After arriving Hong Kong I was sent to St. Paul¡¦s hospital again for a month, Mama accompanied me in the hospital. When I was released I was still in bed at home. One year later in 1950, Mami and my brother Dominic were smuggled to HK from Taipei and for first time we had a family reunion.
In early Nov, 2004, knowing from doctor that mama¡¦s condition is not going to improve has deepened our concerns. She cannot sleep at night as the pain in the back is aggravated with greater tempo and she has to take 3 panadols a day. Watch her body emaciated day after day as if the pains were mine. Sometimes I feel so sad and have cried many times. Memories keep coming back from my childhood¡K
We all lived on the 3rd floor of company¡¦s office building. Ground floor was general office and 2nd floor was father¡¦s office (the president¡¦s room). Since I was still in bed, I remember one day Mama told me to stay calm in bed for three minutes since she was delivering a cup of coffee to father. She handed me a watch and she promised she would be back within three minutes. When she rushed back I was already on floor crawling and yelling for mama as panic and loneliness suddenly emerged and I couldn¡¦t control myself. My affection attached to mama is immeasurable; any detachment is painful let alone three minutes.
One day I was in bed in 1950, I saw mama entered the room with tears. She cried and cried as if there were no ending because of humiliation made by father in front of other guests. I never saw her being so woeful. I wanted to console her but I didn¡¦t know how but I knew the least I would want to see mama sad.
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